BLUES. There are a million directions I could take… writing about this word right now. Denim definitely comes to my mind immediately. ALWAYS. Most of you know how much I adore a well tailored pair of classic Levi’s. Everlane denim is fabulous as well.
I’m also thinking of body image blues & social distancing blues. Although I believe wholeheartedly in God, gratitude and positivity,…raw honesty is the only way I know. So, today I want to share a bit about my life long struggle with body image issues, and how social distancing has inflamed it.
I’ve been working out…hard…since freshman year of high school. I eat super healthy, and that doesn’t really bother me because I love healthy food. The thing is, I’m not one of those people who can eat tiny little portions, and I love my vino. It takes everything I’ve got to stay in a size 4, and if I veer off my bootcamp regimen (fitness & diet) it shows up very very quickly! This is what sends me spiraling into the body image blues. The internal struggle is downright exhausting. I think what I resent sometimes is that I don’t have a choice. I wish I didn’t need to obsess about everything I put into my body, and beat myself up for missing a workout. There is nothing wrong with being any size, it is just that for me…this is how I feel comfortable and it is what I need to do for me and for my body.
This constant backdrop of angst about my size can make it tough to enjoy life to the fullest. It is on my mind during dinners out, vacations, celebrations…and just everyday life. I fight this with positivity, faith and action (healthy lifestyle) but there are times when it gets the best of me still. Social media, especially when it comes to accounts that belong to bloggers and influencers, has a tendency to make it appear as if we’ve got it all together. Social Media makes it appear as if we are fit and pretty and like there isn’t an ever present struggle behind the images we put out there. I assure you…for me it is hard work both mentally and physically.
Now add in the isolation we’ve all been battling due to this new “normal”. The fear and anxiety combined with the social repercussions of such a drastically different way of life has lead to a significant increase in wine consumption (for me). After one too many glasses…I eat things I wouldn’t normally eat and continue to drink more than I normally would. This cycle makes the body image struggle worse and, in turn, leads to other negative thoughts that I have to work hard to fight. I know there are so many others fighting the same or similar internal battles. It is part of being human, and right now…it really is a wild world and so the fight is even harder. I know.
I thank God every single day for His Grace… I am so blessed with faith and strength. I know I couldn’t do this life with out it, and so I want you all to know that God is my defense, my refuge and my hope. This is true in times of relief and times of exhausting struggle. Amen.