A Certain Age…

wearing:  Everlane Texture Cotton Crop Cardigan  |  Levi’s original fit 501s {size 27, taken in at natural waist}

my favorite cognac suede boot options:  Everlane Western Boot  |   splurge alert!  Loeffler Randall Isla Block-Heeled Booties  |  Jeffrey Campbell Godard Bootie

Although a lot of what I’m about to write is sort of tongue in cheek (I’ve never been one to take myself too seriously), I’ve had  some trouble accepting certain components of aging.  The time has come to share this with you because, recently,  I’ve sorted out some of this struggle. By sorted out, I mean I’ve decided what I can control, and what I must accept as inevitable.  For example, aside from a cosmetic procedure {ie. not covered by insurance}, there is not a thing I can do about the spider veins surfacing on my legs!  However, I can completely control the intensity of my daily workouts and my diet so I can avoid that middle aged mid-section, love handles and below the bra bulges. I can’t defy gravity, but I can take impeccable care of my skin.  I do not have to start wearing one of those skirted one piece suits.  I can, and I will wear a bikini!

Taking Control

Perspective is everything.  If we tell ourselves we are over 40 so we are going to gain weight, we have to chop our hair, and we can not wear cut offs, crop tops or bikinis…well then, we’ve given up.  We have allowed the voice of doom inside our heads to bring about an outcome that is not at all what we desire.  It is possible to shift that internal dialogue to something like this… ” I am in control of what I put in my body.  I can exercise and nourish my body with healthy food.  I can wear what I love, and feel good about my body through my 4os, 50s, 60s…and beyond if I make the choices necessary to make this happen”.   This doesn’t mean you have to give up eating or drinking everything you enjoy.  Instead, identify your  favorite indulgences and make room to enjoy those by cutting back on what you know you can live without.  For example, I love wine.  I drink about two glasses daily.  No, it isn’t ideal for the physique, but my diet is absolutely clean and disciplined otherwise so I can enjoy my favorite treat!

You can tailor this philosophy to meet your desires.  For example, you may have no desire to wear a crop top or drink wine.  That is perfectly ok.  Maybe you want to wear a clingy tee tucked into a great pair of jeans, or you love dresses that hug your curves!  Maybe you love ice cream more than anything!  Maybe margaritas are your jam??  Whatever makes you…you is fabulous.  Remember that part of being you, is knowing you can overcome most of what stands between you, and the woman you want to be.  Yes, this includes your style…how you want to look, feel, and what you want to wear!

The Struggle

I am fully aware that this is all so much easier said than done, and trust me…I’ve struggled.  We all have struggles.  They don’t look or feel the same, but they exist.

Remember I mentioned that my diet is super clean & disciplined, and that I love wine.  The perfect thing for me is to sip two glasses…maybe three on a longer night with friends.  If I have more than that I get a serious case of the munchies!  I would say about mid way through 2019, this situation started to occur more often.  The extra glass, I mean…followed by after dinner snacking on things I would not normally eat.  I had to address what was driving it, and come up with some strategies to control it. When it happens a couple of times a year, it is not an issue but a couple of times a month was definitely going to wreck the healthy physique I work so hard to maintain.  It was also a signal to me that something was out of balance, and I needed to…I wanted to address the underlying causes of my “increasing episodes of over indulgence” !

Indeed, I was struggling with growing older…regrets, physical changes, the lies echoing in my head about age stealing many of the things that I value so much.  I have always had to work at staying fit and so I’ve had to be extremely disciplined.  Apparently, I resent that a little bit because when I get my buzz on…I’m all about those French fries!  Again, once in a while is great but not as often as it was happening.  Although it is easy to blame it on the wine, somewhere deep inside…I was giving myself permission to do this.  To indulge…to treat myself because I deserved it, right!?  To make up for something I wanted that I didn’t get to have in life.  Growing older…running out of time was pushing me into panic mode and this is how it reared its ugly head.   There is the lie.   No, I don’t deserve to make myself feel gross and frustrated.  What I do deserve is to feel my best, and shine my light.


I started 2020 with a Whole 30 and some journaling around emotional drivers. This helped me get back in touch with the feelings of well being, lightness, health and discipline that I’ve always valued so much and find extremely motivating.  I addressed the emotional triggers, and I set a clear picture in my mind of what makes me feel good in my own skin.  I concluded that I do not want to cut out enjoying wine in moderation, and I devised ways to keep myself to the amount that is healthy for me.  I drink a cup of green tea before I pour myself that first glass of wine.  I keep a glass of  water next to me and drink it between sips of wine.  Finally, I have been making large pitchers of fresh lavender iced tea now that it is getting warmer.  I enjoy this during the day, especially on weekends when I might be tempted to day drink out on the deck or by the pool.  Sometimes I infuse it with lemon or rosemary!  Not only do these concoctions keep me hydrated, and reduce bloating but they also keep me from starting to drink too early on the weekend. I also remind myself , regularly, that food and wine can not fill any sort of emptiness in our souls, or boredom, or anything that is lacking.

Sometimes taking initiative to resolve or change one (seemingly small) aspect of life can open the door to becoming the woman God created!  As with everything in my life, this too was a God thing.  I prayed, He listened.  He spoke, I obeyed.  He showed me the next step.  I took it.  He poured His Grace on me.  Together, we untangled the mess.  Amen!

The upside

It is vitally freeing to acknowledge the positive aspects of our forties and beyond.  We’ve most likely earned (through trial & error) a greater level of confidence.  Most likely, we’ve identified our personal style…we know what works best and we have no problem sticking to it.  We can even afford to have our jeans tailored perfectly to enhance our best assets.   There is more… A lot more good stuff that comes with un certain age.  I urge you to join me in focusing on the good things, and on the things you can control rather than the inevitable, not so pleasant effects of gravity.   It will take some work.  You’ll have to fight the harsh internal critic, and you will have to reframe things a bit…but are you with me?

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