wearing:  AllSaints leather jacket | Everlane high rise stretch skinny denim in deep indigo | vintage Aerosmith tee thrifted |  Cuyana leather tote | J.Crew booties similar here

 

Aerosmith T-shirt

Well hello there, my friends.  It has been a minute.  These photos were taken a few months ago when we had a warm day up here in Rhode Island.  I finally found the perfect Aerosmith t- shirt and it was great to be able to shoot it before full on winter showed up.

Many of you probably remember me mentioning {back in my Ideal Spring Wardrobe post} that  I was on the hunt for an Aerosmith tee.  The thing with vintage band tees is that they are either ridiculously expensive or they are  cheap looking imitations of the real thing.  Neither of which, I was aiming for.  Although the tee I’m wearing is from a tour in the 90’s, it has the perfect worn in vibe, great fit and the price was not off the charts.   I’m grateful to have found it!

 

Feelings Influence Fashion

I don’t know if  my advanced degree in psychology and counseling mingling with my love of all things  style is responsible for this idea… but either way, I believe mood can consciously or subconsciously influence how we style ourselves.  I can tell you for certain the look I’m wearing here was driven by intense feelings of vulnerability and disappointment.   It manifested as the opposite in the attire I chose.  Definitely chic, yet indisputably self protective.

Earlier in 2019,  I had the privilege of crossing paths with a wonderful soul with whom I felt a deep friendship connection.   Intuitively, I felt like I had been friends with her forever.  Although I don’t usually do this, I opened my heart entirely to this friendship right away.  I peeled off all my masks and dove right in.  At first, I was so grateful for this new friendship, but for reasons I still don’t know…little by little she pulled away until it seemed as though she wanted nothing to do with me.  I don’t often get attached to people so quickly…if ever.  I typically guard my heart, perhaps too much.   This was different.  Different enough for me to know something  spiritual was or is happening  for me or for both of us.  What I know, for sure, is I was left feeling overwhelmingly vulnerable and unworthy.  I tried being open and honest but that made things worse so I was so tempted to just close myself off in general.  I was in a swamp of these feelings when I wore this look back in mid November 2019.   Vulnerability proved entirely dangerous and I needed to never ever do this again.

I still have no answers regarding what happened with this friendship, but I’m working on accepting the obscurity and not taking it personally.   Although I always knew from a logical perspective that this painful situation did not diminish my worth,  somehow I still landed in a sea of messy feelings that was not easy to climb out of.  The thing about deeply painful experiences is  they are very personal and often times the feelings can not be understood by someone else.  It is entirely subjective and the only person who can get you past it is you.  And God of course!  Throughout the time I was working through all this I knew my thoughts and feelings were intensely emotional and not necessarily the truth yet I couldn’t stop myself from feeling it.  Sometimes the only way through is to sit with it, acknowledge it… realize it is not a coincidence that you are deep down in it.  It is about growth, lessons, love, fear, truth!  As long as you come out on the other side true to your heart even if the outcome isn’t what you hoped for,  you’ve grown.   You have done the work!

I’m feeling worthy again, I still love my friend, and I believe there is more to this big picture than what I can see.  I wasn’t sure I was going to blog about this until it began to flow out… it feels cathartic and healing.  It feels right.  This was an entirely new experience for me, and it was a catalyst for significant growth.  Very painful, but apparently God had His reasons and I believe that someday I will understand.

Throughout 2019,  God showed me in very interesting ways…that I have a handful of incredible girlfriends who really do love me and they helped me heal with out even knowing they did so.   Especially…Rachel, Kerri, Shaina, Maria, Gretchen, Steph…each of you played a significant role in lifting me up.  I thank you with all my heart.

Thanks, Shaina for supporting this blog so faithfully and for taking these pictures!

For now,  let’s focus on the art of style inspired by such a messy, dark & moody state of mind

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Disclosure:  Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I may earn a commission.  Please know that I  link these brands and their products because I wear them, use them and believe in them. Not because of the commission I receive from your purchases.  If you do decide to make a purchase, I hope you love it as much as I do and thank you for supporting Diari Di Cuore.

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